


Say It

by wordywarrior



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes-centric, Dom/sub Undertones, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 17:19:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17666819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordywarrior/pseuds/wordywarrior
Summary: Truer words were never spoken, but were they heard?





	Say It

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: NSWF. Light BDSM; established relationship.

 

 

__

 

_Come home. -B_

Y/N swallowed hard; even though the phrasing seemed benign, there was definitely a tone inferred. When she didn’t instantly offer compliance, another message came through. It was just her name and a question mark, but behind it was expectation.

Bucky wanted her to obey.

Her refusal was something he struggled to comprehend; she could see it in how the conversation bubble came and went multiple times, but after several minutes, it stopped appearing, and Y/N gave up keeping her eyes glued to the screen.

Indignation, distance, and being distracted by room service did wonders when one was trying to have a semblance of dignity and self-control. An hour in the jacuzzi-tub, a pint of ice-cream, and four episodes of a show she wasn’t really interested in were sleep-inducing cocktail.

Normally, nodding off offered a blessed, uninterrupted time when the neurons fired more gently and the thoughts stopped swirling. This night, though, sleep did not provide comfort.

Dreams of unabashed and unashamed pleasure played over and over. Dreams of boundaries explored and pushed to the brink. Trust and tenderness. Loneliness and worry. Frenzied movement and utter stillness. Stolen, breathless moments that seemed to stretch into infinity. The fear that always comes with free-falling and the relief of being caught before hitting the ground. The craving that -- for the briefest of moments -- was satisfied before it gnawed again…

Her subconscious also coughed up the day they met, their first kiss, and the first night in his bed. Their first fight was in there, too, and after that, they’d promised to always be honest with each other. It was a promise easily made and kept, and for nearly two years, never once broken.

Falling in love with him hadn’t been planned, but it had been as natural as breathing. Y/N was in completely his, without reservation, and had told Bucky as much. His smile and his kiss had both been warm and it had made her brave.

Y/N had never verbally told Bucky she loved him, and though it terrified her, she finally said it aloud. Y/N told him she not only loved him, but was in love with him, because to her, there was a distinction. And those words were the truest thing she’d ever said and she meant them.

Bucky responded with silence.

And that silence completely eviscerated her.

Their stubborn wills collided, resulting in an awkward parting, and an exhausting seven days of one-worded texts, terse phone calls, and stilted conversations over coffee in the hotel lobby. Bucky had been forthcoming with the apology and insistent about her returning home, but the words she wanted to hear – needed to hear – were still left unsaid.

And she wasn’t going to pry it out of him.

His stoic silence was what replayed again and again, looping time over time, cutting deeper with every pass. Everything she dreamed burned and chilled in equal measure, and when Y/N opened her eyes again, she was gasping for air, and Bucky was sitting beside her on the bed.

Y/N didn’t bother to ask him how he got into her room; to Bucky, a door was merely a deterrent to overcome. The fact he’d entered quietly and wasn’t attempting to drag her out was surprising; it meant he was ready to listen.

But that didn’t mean she was willing to talk.

“You know how I feel, Y/N,” he finally said, his voice so low it was almost inaudible.

She wanted to scream out her frustration and anger. She wanted to scream out her sadness and all the other emotions rotting and festering deep down in her gut. She wanted to scream for herself because she deserved more than half-measures. She wanted to scream because she still wanted and needed and desired with desperation that toed the line of madness. She wanted to scream because she knew it would make her feel better, and she needed so desperately to feel better.

But she didn’t.

Instead, Y/N pressed her lips together and shook her head; it wasn’t good enough, not nearly good enough, and the sound of impatience Bucky let out meant he knew it, too. Y/N sat up and put her feet on the floor; the next words out of her mouth were going to be parting words, but before she could speak, he abruptly went to his knees beside the bed, and rested his head in her lap.

She couldn’t have been more shocked if he’d done the hokey-pokey and turned himself around.

Bucky had kneeled to her many times, but never like this. When he was reverent, it was because he was putting her body to deliciously, torturous good use, but even then, he was always commanding. Bucky was a gentleman, passionate, and funny. Uncommonly kind and so, so intelligent. Strong, proud, and unwaveringly loyal. He was everything her soul cried out for, but one thing he wasn’t was a submissive.

That was her role.

This prostration was what she needed and Bucky knew it. He’d hurt her and made her feel unsafe. The power in the relationship didn’t rest with him, but with her, and with his actions, he was reminding her of that. But in that moment, she didn’t want Bucky to placate her.

She wanted him to love her.

“I didn’t… I never dreamed something like you could happen to me.”

Y/N blinked hard and stared up at the ceiling, “What are you saying, Bucky?”

“I’m saying I was unmanned from the first moment I saw you, Y/N. And when you saw me – really saw me -- I didn’t stand a damn chance,” he explained. “You – this – it’s the only thing real to me. And what I feel for you is unlike anything I’ve ever known.”

Her heart healed and broke simultaneously because it was too much and yet, not enough. Y/N struggled to reconcile the warring emotions, but all she was able to do was dig her nails into the bedspread and hold her breath. The silence was taunt and full of expectation, and several minutes passed before Bucky lifted his head.

“Look at me.”

Obeying him was her choice, and when Y/N met his gaze, he told her to keep her eyes fixed on his. Slowly, with self-possessed authority, he arose to his feet.

Y/N had never been able to fight her body’s reaction to him. The fierceness in his grey-blue eyes and the feel of his fingertips grazing her cheek made heat rise in her belly. The sight of Bucky peeling off his jacket, chest rising and falling, pupils slowly dilating, made her throat dry. Just the sound of him undoing his belt, the buckle subtly clattering as it was opened, leather moving against denim as he pulled it from the loops, had her pressing her knees together so hard, it hurt.

“You want me to say it, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she admitted instantly.

Bucky nodded once and let the belt fall to the floor. Y/N couldn’t help but suck in a sharp breath as he continued to undress, removing weapons, exposing himself slowly, silently conveying through the set of his jaw he wanted her undivided attention. By the time he’d removed the last article of clothing, her insides were shaking, and when he crooked his finger, she immediately moved to stand in front of him.

“I’m in love you, Y/N,” he declared, reaching for the knot at her waist and slowly pulling it apart. “You have me – _all of me_ – for however long you want me.”

When Bucky pushed the robe from her shoulders and brought her into his arms, she shuddered, and the tears she’d held back for so long finally fell. The solace of his embrace was unending and he didn’t try to stem the outpouring of her emotions. Bucky let her get it all out in her own time and in her own way, comforting her with gentle strokes to her hair and tenderly whispered words in Romanian that didn’t have to be translated to be understood.

Calmness eventually came, and with it, an acute need. The shared vulnerability, the raw exposing of nerves, and the level of uncertainty during their separation had nearly ripped them apart at the seams. They had come back together and picked up the pieces, but more was needed to make them fit again.

The plea that fell from Y/N’s lips was nothing more than a whimper, but she knew Bucky heard it by the way his body stilled. The soft, entreating _sir_ that followed was not subtle, and neither was his reaction. The sharp inhalation of breath; the metal plates in his arm shifting rapidly, moving to accommodate the clenching of his fist; the raw, gravelly way her name sounded when it left his mouth…

Y/N stepped back just far enough to meet his eyes and offer her wrists. His movements were lightning and within seconds, the belt was being slipped firmly into place. Bucky used the sash of the robe as a make-shift gag before pressing her down on the bed and forcing her arms above her head.

Cupping, squeezing, pinching, pulling, biting, licking, the familiar sting of his hand when it came down hard across her flesh... It was controlled, sensory overload and every second of it healed her. He looped her leg over his shoulder and sank his teeth into her inner thigh, alternating between pain and pleasure, fingers and tongue. He edged her again and again until she was digging her nails into her palms and her muffled whimpers turned into barely-smothered cries.

“Look at me,” he panted from between her legs. “Look at me and come.”

His eyes were all but black and full of a dark hunger that only her complete surrender could satisfy. Her body obeyed his will and her release made him growl with pure, primal satisfaction. Bucky helped her ride it out, bringing her down slowly, until Y/N was moaning with relief.

Bucky took his time, moving languidly, reclaiming every inch of her along the way. When he nuzzled her breasts, she felt it in her core, and the combination of his soft mouth and rough beard threatened to bring her all over again. When Bucky finally came into focus, he pulled the tie down and away from her mouth, and replaced it with his own.

His lips moved languorously, teasing and lightly brushing, tongue barely grazing hers before disappearing again. He trailed kisses down along her chin and into the crook of her neck; the sensation of his mouth marking the pulse-point made her writhe, and when he took her earlobe between his teeth, she groaned.

“I want you think of me saying it,” Bucky rasped. “Every time I make you come, remind yourself that I love you. Do you understand?”

Y/N’s whispered _‘yes, sir’_ was quickly cut off by him simultaneously entering her and covering her mouth with his hand. The first thrust was powerful and stole the breath from her lungs. He filled her to the brim, before slowly dragging himself out, and snapping forward again. Each time he did it, he rolled his hips, grinding against her and making sure she felt every, single inch of him.

The repetitive buildup of pleasure, followed by sharp, sublime relief, made her eyes roll back and her legs shake. Even though her mind was addled, the order he’d given rang clear. Y/N did as he commanded and replayed the words in her mind, and before long, the sounds he pulled from her throat were at war with the headboard banging rhythmically against the wall and his words echoing in her brain.

“Fuck, the noises you make,” he bit out harshly. “I don’t know whether to tell you to be quiet or take my hand off your mouth and let everyone hear you.”

As always, he decided for the both of them, and pulled his hand away. Being pliant and boneless meant Bucky had to utilize his strength to lift her from the bed. Using the excess length of the belt, he pulled her arms up, and dropped them around his neck. The way he trailed his free down her spine meant his palm was itching to go to work, and with his metal arm encircling her waist, Y/N had zero chance of escape.

“I want you to ride me -- slowly. Every time you sink back down on to me, I’m going to spank you,” Bucky asserted. “And instead of counting, you’re to look at me, and say it. I don’t want to hear anything else. Understood?”

Y/N let out a ragged breath and nodded, “Yes, sir.”

Bucky did what he told her he would do and she, in turn, did what she was told. The new, face-to-face position and the sensations that came with it threatened to make her scream, but she knew if she did, security would definitely be called, and they’d most likely be asked to leave and never return.

But worse than that, he’d be disappointed, and though she was flawed, Y/N knew one thing for certain: she’d never been disappointing.

What they shared that night and into the early morning hours was beyond make-up sex, farther even than an intense session between a dominant and submissive. The words – so simple, yet, so powerful -- were like a confession that had been kept inside both of them for far too long, and like all confessions, once they were out, the soul was given permission to feel cleansed.

The next morning, their lovemaking was quiet, tender, and an extension of the aftercare they both needed. After showering and allowing room-service to carb-load them, Bucky helped her pack her things, and together, they prepared to leave.

Standing at the elevator, Bucky kept one hand on the small of her back, and the other close to the weapon at his hip. While they waited, they couldn’t help but overhear the bellowing of a very disgruntled guest.

“I was told at check in there would be no construction, maintenance, or renovation!” the voice bellowed. “Then how do you explain the pounding? Both in the middle of the night and this morning? It went on for hours!”

Y/N realized the enraged guest was in the room adjacent to the one they’d just vacated, and must’ve gotten quite an earful. Though she wasn’t at all embarrassed, she couldn’t help but giggle, which made Bucky smirk.

“This is the why we don’t stay in hotels,” he asserted as the elevator doors opened and they stepped inside.

“I did my best, but unfortunately, you arrived ill-prepared.”

“Y/N, behave,” he warned with a low chuckle.

She glanced up at him through her lashes and beamed, which prompted him to shake his head, and hit the button for the lobby. As soon as the doors slid shut, Y/N turned toward him, stood on tip-toe, and offered her mouth as both apology and temptation.

Never one to refuse her, Bucky kissed her, but before he could pull away, she gripped the lapels of his jacket, and pressed herself flush against him.

“Say it,” Y/N breathed against his lips.

The elevator continued to signal their descent, but before they reached the lobby, he kissed her again, and without hesitation, murmured the words she wanted to hear.

They checked out of the hotel and went home, but it wasn’t until later that night, when Bucky was securing her to their shared bed by the wrists and ankles, that she looked him in the eyes, and said it back.

“I love you, too.”


End file.
